2011

I spent my last day of 2010, reflecting......I reflected on the events and achievements of the past year to determine areas that can be improved and processes that can be enhanced. I can say that I was not to pleased with how 2010 panned out.I started the year with a negative outlook. I was very unhappy with my life. I was unemployed, finances were out of order, unhappy and felt that I was going to be eternally single. My mood swings forever dictated my days. There were times when I was happy to see the sun and there were times that I didnt even care if I woke up to see another day. I wanted it all to end. I felt like I was in a black hole. I never really told my friends how I truly felt. Some thought it was a phase and that I was overreacting. Others didnt know at all because I put on a very good front. They would ask questions but I would tell them only alittle bit. (I never really like sharing all with some people. There are very few that knows whats going on with me, I think that stems from me being emotional and most of my friends/associates feel that I react solely from my emotions)

Things did start to turn around in 2010, I went back to teaching after not teaching for a year I realized that thats all I want to do, I did date a man that truly understood me, even though it was short lived if felt good to know that I can be me in a relationship and not have to wear a mask. My finances picked back up. My overall attitude started to change, I also made some decisions when it came to my friends. There where some I had to say goodbye too. It was hard but that is how life is. I wish them no ill will, I wish them all the best.

They say the New Year always offers an opportunity for new beginnings because of the renewed sense of hope it brings. So for 2011, I making changes. My New Resolutions are my goals to achieve in 2011. I know there are somethings that I need to work on. So Im taking it one day at a time

1. Write more-I used to journal put what I was feeling/thinking on paper. It was a wonderful release, I need to get back to that.

2.Be a better friend- I have some wonderful friendships that I need to focus on. They have been there through thick and thin and accept me for me. I admit that I can be a better friend to them.

3.Live life- I do admit that there are times when I see the glass as half empty. Life is hard and there is no instructional manual. But I need to learn how to roll with the punches, grab the bull by its horns and keep it moving

4. Stop being a doormat- Thats a hard one, I know that is written all over me that I bend over backwards for everyone else and put myself last. I need to start saying no, and accept that it will be ok. Others are just going to have to get over it

5. Finish my certification- Ive been teaching for 9 yrs now, I should have my certification by now. Period

6.Accept my past- Another hard one, I am very hard on myself and I dwell and find myself thinking about my past. Yes there are somethings that I wish I did not do, but its too late, its done. I need to learn to build a bridge and get over it.

7. Develop my faith more- I admit, like its a big secret, Im not a religious person. Ive always been more spiritual. For me I feel that I will become a better person if I develop my faith more.

Yes its a short list, I know that I didnt put doing things like exercise more, eat healthy, manage debt. Those are a given. What I wrote down are the ones that I need to focus on and accomplish for me to enjoy 2011. So when I look back on 2011, I know I would have developed a better sense of self. I can look back and smile and move forward. Its a process, one thats long over due.