Do You have N.B.O?

Do YOU have N.B.O?

N.B.O Negative Body Obession. I always heard about it. AndI know that I suffer from it from time to time. Have you ever had a part of your body that you couldnt love, no matter what. It may have had you just hate onyourself and your body for being that way. It may also have had you dp all kinds of crazy things to our bodies.....Diet...Exercise...Starve. We might even find ourselves comparing ourselves to other women or even cry in a dressing room.

For me its my stomach/ab area, Ive been having problem with that area since I graduated from college. I not sure what happen. It seems like from nowhere I developed a pooch. I believe it came from stress and other aspects. And lord knows I have tried alomst everything to get rid of it. From workouts...starving...fad diets...even Weight Watchers it seems like nothing works. Dont let me be in a funk thats the first thing I noticed. Sometimes the only thing I can see is my stomach. I havent had any kids and my body at times look like Ive birthed 3. I wont even wear a bathing suit at times, even thou I LOVE the beach and water. Spending a day on the beach is heaven to me. I have let my N.B.O prevent me from enjoying life at times. I have not gone out,taken pictures, shopped at certain stores, or wear certain clothes due to my N.B.O.

Whats a girl to do?

I really do not like how I have let this have some control in my life. The funny thing is that I know that not everyone woman is suppose to be built with a coke-a-cola bottle shape or have the body of Beyonce' or Marilyn Monroe measurements.

Whats a girl to do?

Corinne Bailey Rae - Closer (Live in Williamsburg)

I love this song......

Random thoughts

As I sit here at work, so many thoughts go thru my mind. Today I decided to just write them down. They wont be in any order, but there are some things that I just have to get off my mind.

I find myself feeling bad for things that I have done or havent done.

I have mixed feelings about being 30.

I have a fear of being alone.

I sometimes think that Im not living up to my potential.

I feel that Im too nice to people, thus they take my kindness for weakness.

I hate to say "no" to people and their requests.

I hate disappointing looks on people's faces.

At times I suffer from low self-esteem.

I was a late-bloomer, and still is at times.

Sometimes I wish that I heared some type of feedback so I wouldnt have all these negative thoughts swirliong in my head. I swear I think that I the only one that is screwed up

Education

Education is responsibility of all Americans, Obama says - Washington Times

I love it I love it I loveit

My Fears

We are always changing. Becoming different in big or subtle ways. Part of life is to manage those changes, to make sure our hearts and minds are more and more in tune. With that in mind, what do you need to change?


For me at this point in time, this is an excellent question. There are days when I feel that there is alot that I need to change, while there are other days when I feel that nothing should be changed at all. I do know that I need to change my fears.



I have a fear of not being accepted.


I have done some things that Im not proud of but hey thats life, we live and we learn. But there is so much more that I am proud of. I live my life for me. But I have encountered some people who have passed judgement on me cause of who I am. Im not a typical person nor do I have typical ideas. Living in DC and traveling has exposed me to different ways of the world. I did not grow up being limited. So my interests are not one who see me being "into".



I have a fear of growing old alone.


I love being loved and in love. Yet I have such a terrible dating record. I have been abused for being the person that I am. I have been hurt, heartbroken and used for being the person that I am. So I cannot lie and say that there are times when I feel like my ship has sailed. That Is missed out on having children and being married to the one that will complement me.

Becoming a "Girl"

Funny, this idea has been in my head for awhile, but i didnt know how to title it. I know some are wondering, becoming a girl, you are a girl. I know that, Duh.

This blog is about how I came into my own

I am the first to claim that I am a tomboy. Growing up, I climb trees, ran races, played rough, anything the boys was doing I joined in. I played with the girls at times, but for most I was getting dirty. Even when it came to clothes, in elementary school and junior high, eventhou I wore a uniform I couldnt wait until I put on my jeans. My father tried to get me in dresses but that lasted a short period of time. I remember in 3rd grade, he brought 5 new dresses, by the end of 3rd grade, 4 still had pricetags still on it.

And this continued pretty much all of high school, even college. In high school and college, many didnt see me in a skirt, if they did then it was laundry day. I lived in my jeans, in high school thanks to early 90's baggy was in, and I loved it. It was so easy to throw on a t-shirt and jeans, as it still is today.

But something changed, when I hit my mid twenties, I didnt want to be mistaken for a boy ( I was getting the feeling that at times I was either being seen as a boy or gay). I noticed that I got more into fashion. I was always concerned about how I presented myself but this was different. I actually was concerned about how I put my outfits together. What matched with what, which shoes to wear, what purse to carry. Before I left the house, everything had to be in place. I noticed that my shoe and purse collection was getting bigger. I now pick up fashion magazines and pay attention to the latest trends and even is wearing make-up. Where before it was 20 min max for me to get ready, now I fall into the category where it can take me anywhere from 45 min to 90 to get ready depending on the venue.

And I wonder at times, what happened to the girl that only wore jeans and a tshirt. It would be nice for her to show up once an awhile

I Need Love

".........i need love

somebody to touch me

somebody who wants to be with me only

i need love

somebody to hold me

tell me that they love me

never gonna let me go........."

Ledisi
Ineed Love
2009

I just brought this album on Wednesday and when I heard track #11, I was inspired to write. I saw myself in this song. I believe at times that I am the poster child for unsuccessful male/female relationships.

"......love

i don't think i have much more to give to no one else

maybe its time for me to be by myself

because it hurts to much to put my love on the shelf

love....."

I have been told countless number of times that I should spend time to myself. Figure out who Lisa is. This advice comes about when I go through a short lived relationship. Yes it does hurt when they dont last. Yes it hurts when I give my all and get nothing in return. I do admit that I have been used and abused, physically, mentally and verbally. Eventhou I have had my share of bad relationships, kissed a few frongs, I am still holding out. I believe that it is possible to be in a positive healthy relationship. I have plenty of friends, both male and female who are in healty relationships. I do know that everyday isnt going to peaches and cream. Being in a relationship takes alot of work. Communication is key, along with respect, plus on top of that knowing that Love isn´t an adjective, it´s a verb! Love is a verb, an action word. Action means doing, saying, and moving. Its the small things along with the large things that I believe that my friends know the truth of their partner´s love.

".........love

you said you'd never go away

but your gone, and im right back where i used to be

wondering if you really were for me

love....."

So now I sit here wondering when......

Yes it hurts as I sit there wondering..............

when is it my turn.................