Turning 30

Age is just a state of mind... right?

Despite what I would let others believe; I am turned 30 and it is weighing on my mind a little. I keep hearing friends talk about making a list of 'Things to do before you're 30'. I do not have a list.

Being the bright, intelligent and imaginative that I am, when it came to writing my own list the first thing I could think of doing was to Google 'things to do before you turn 30'; all I got was a link to some movie - this was not a good start!

Also when I started listing some of the things which one should have done by the time their 3rd decade rolls around I realised I had not actually done that many of them, and I didn't have a whole heap of time to fit these things in -this put me in an even worse predicament than the Google fiasco.

So what to do? Well I decided to cross one thing off my tentative list now forming in my mind and in the journal by my bed: Start your own website. I am now doing and maintaining, I have managed to add it to my list and cross it off at the same time - finally things are looking up!

So what else should one have achieved/done/seen/tasted/smelt/kissed/kicked/felt/owned/learned?

1. Be able to laugh at yourself. I think this is really important as it applies to so many aspects of your life, and 30 years is a long time to taking yourself seriously.

2. Have survived at least one heartbreak. The real visceral physical pain of breaking up with someone you thought you could never live without, and then living without them anyway.

3. Had at least one really regrettable hairstyle. This one doesn't usually require any real effort especially since we are 80's children.

4.Put together an item of flat pack furniture. And despite following the instructions (or not) have at least one spare part left over. Swedish furniture shops have alot to answer too.

5.Have partied until the sun comes up. Even if you are not the party type this is something you should have done at least once by the time the big 30 comes around.

6.Learn that you can no longer party until the sun comes up without dire consequences. Yes as we get older it would appear that our bodies become less inclined to let us away with a big night out, and it takes longer and longer to recover from such fun. This I am told is what age does to you.

7. Date at least one totally unsuitable boyfriend/girlfriend. (I have more than I would like to count.)

8. Learn that your parents are just normal human beings. They do not know it all, and they may never have claimed to either. By this time you should have realised this and come to see your parents as just older wrinklier versions of you. Flawed and wonderful all at the same time. Make friends with your parents, and take them for dinner every once in a while.

9. Pee in public. OK, so this is not exactly aspirational but it is a rite of passage. Usually done after a night of drinking
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10. Travel and live in another country. Whether your travels involve seeing every continent in the world by the time you turn 30, or just knowing every back street cafe and bar in a town that you keep coming back to. Travel really does broaden the mind.

11. Figure out a few things that you do not want. This might sound a bit strange; from an early age we are asked what we want to be when we grow up (astronaut),and constantly being asked to choose a path, a career, a degree, a car, a house, a partner. But life is not that simple. I think that alot of what you discover in your twenties is what you don't want, on the path to what you do: "I don't want to live with my parents forever", "I don't want to work weekends ever again", "I don't really want to be a lawyer" ...and so on. And the truth is the more we learn what we don't want the closer we come to what we do want

12. Own at least one item of clothing or shoes which you could not afford at the time.

13. Sing in public. This usually involves alot of alcohol, a crowded bar, a screen with the lyrics running across it and alot of humiliation. Or you could be like me and just sing along with the musick playing in the store.

14.Have at least one alcoholic drink which you cannot even stand the smell. Enough said.

15. Accept that 40 is not 'that old'. If only because you are getting closer to that number all the time.

16. Parachute jump, bungee, hand glide, base jump, crocodile wrestle, fill in outrageously dangerous 'extreme sport' here....... I have not done any of these! (Ok well I did zipline, rode a mechanical bull, and got in a human gyroscope. )

17. Learn that 30 is just another number and that you will still feel that same on the other side of that birthday as you do today, only maybe a little slower and a little greyer.

18. Be part of the zeitgeist and set up your own website. (Check it out www.photoexpress.biz)

19. Balance your checkbook; manage your finances. Enough said

20. Throw out your old list. I use to keep a list that said 1. Be married and have a child before I turn 30. 2. Buy a house 3. Buy a luxury car blah blah blah. I had to sit back and realize that there are some things that I cant control. Things happen thats life. You only have some control. So hey start another one thats more practical.

21.To accept who you are. I am still learning that its ok to be who I am and what I have accomplished so far. Just because I turned 30 doesnt mean my life is going downhill, the fun times are over with. It just means that I still have plenty of time to enjoy life to the fullest.

So think about it, what would you put on your list?

Repost-Effective Communication

I recieved this email from a very good friend of mine. These are her words not mine, but I find this topic is one that is lacking in most cases. I had to go back and search for this email. I find myself on one to many occassions lacking communicating to others, especially males. Read and pass it on.

Effective Communication

"I open my heart and mind to be aware that when I amlistening to myself, I cannot hear other people."

We are taught that communication is a two-way process. Consequently, we are not aware that there are threeessential elements. There is talking, there islistening and there is hearing. We talk a great dealbecause we have much to say. In fact, we talk so muchwe often miss the point someone else is trying tomake. Our talk about our past experience is loadedwith perceptions and judgments. When we arelistening, what we hear gets filtered through the same. We do talk, and we can listen. What challenges most of us is learning how to hear.If you really want to hear someone when they trust youenough to talk to you, don’t listen to the words, hear how the words are spoken. All too often, we cannot hear the words because we come to the conversation with our own ideas about who people are. At the sametime, we are determined not to let them see who we are.

In order for effective and valued communicationto occur, you must believe that you are safe, and you must offer that same safety to the other person.If you want to communicate with another person, youmust hear their fear and not dismiss it. You musthear a person’s pain and not overlook it. It is important to hear a person’s guilt and not buy into it. You must be ready to hear a person’s anger and not fuel it. Most people need to know that they havebeen heard.

Listen to their body. Listen to the volume. Listen to the tempo. If you really want tohear someone, open your heart and listen to theirsoul.In the past, you may not have been able to hear whatpeople are saying to you. However, make an effort toclose your eyes when you are in a conversation. Hear every word that is spoken through the center of your heart.