Random

My thoughts are just swirling in my mind. I nervous about starting over in my career. I nervous about going forward in photography. I despise turning 30. And most of the time all that I can think about is if I could I would do everything different.
I feel like something is missing in my life. I can say that since my father's passing, I have felt lost. All that I can remember is that I liked where my life was going at that time. I was very comfortable at that point in my life. Things were going well for me. Then my father passed, since then I have had this void. I can say that I havent gotten back on track. I keep going back to the way my life was before he died. I was responsible for me. I went from being responsible for me to pretty much stepping into his shoes. Where before if a bill didnt get paid it was on me, if I didnt eat that was ok. I had my own space. Now things have changed so much, I dont even know where to begin.
I feel like packing up my truck and just moving somewhere anywhere to start all over.

Starting over

I recieved some upseting news about two weeks ago. I got a letter from PGCPS terminating my employment. Yuck to get a letter in the mail saying we dont need you anymore bye peace have a nice life. My heart sank. Thoughts were and still now are swarming in my head. Ill be 30 in August, and will have no job, no man, no money. Where is the bright side? Let me know.

I have been teaching for 8 years. Thats all I know. To tell the truth I love teaching even thou this year has been REALLY trying when it comes to my students. Unlike last year, most of the students in my class this year dont know how to work as a group and its all about me me me. At times they can be down right mean. They do have their good days, but at most the bad out weigh the good. SO it has been a trying year trying to even to get them to respect one another. Its still a work in progress and there are 6 days left of school.

All that I can think about is whats next. Im not a planner. I plan, but dont ask me what I am doing on Friday and its Monday. Most of the time I have no clue. Which is fine with me at times, then there are times when I feel that I should more things planned out in life. I know people who have planned everything even down to the month when they would like their first. child born. Me, I like to see whats in store. As far as planning, the farthest I got was what college I was going to. After that I have been living life, I think.......

So know I need to have some type of plan. I didnt think getting a letter was going to happen to me. I dont have a Plan B. Maybe its time to create one