Am I my hair???

I thinking, weighing the options, wondering if Im going to do the right thing.

I have been growing my locs for the past seven years. I can say that Im tired. I want a new look. Over the years, my hair has been pressed, pulled, cut, dyed fried and laid to the side. Its been up, down, long and short. Rocked a weave and a wig. Permed it cause society said it was the thing to do and went natural to be free. So now its time to take a different route on this hair journey.

The last time, I got my locs "trimmed", 4 in was cut off and I freaked out. The mere thought of cutting them again scared me. I saw my locs apart of me. I started thinking do  my locs define "me". Am I still going to be Lisa without them.

Am I my hair?

Letter of Apology to him

I have been thinking to myself a lot lately over what went wrong and what makes me feel terribly awful. I have thought about the suggestion you made of us taking a break. I do not agree with it. I am afraid that we will lose our friendship. You are my best friend. I will miss the conversations we have, the laughter,  and the closeness that we share. I cherish your friendship. You and I have shared things and conversations about our lives, our families that I would never with anyone else. The main reason for that is because I trust you, and you listen to me, as I do to you. I can say that I have had some of the most wonderful times with you that I have ever had in my entire life, so much laughing and smiling. I had told you once before that when you talk I hold onto every word that comes out of your mouth and it's like they are engraved in the back of my mind forever. I am afraid that the texting to say hi, how are you will no longer be sent. I am afraid that you will move on and not look back. 

I admit that I have a problem. I have always knowing it. Somewhere along the line I started to believe that I, Lisa, isn't good enough. No matter what I do, say, wear, look or achieve. No matter how good of a person I am. It is not good enough. So because of this mindset, I do have times where my low self-esteem manifests and takes control. I don't like it one bit. I feel low, worthless, and unloved when I have these periods. 

I do admit that I am hard on myself. I do admit that I look at the past and focus on my mistakes and instead of learning from them. 

I am trying. I want to be the person that you are proud to be with. The one that makes you smile at any thought. 

I am sorry if I had made you frustrated or unhappy with me. 

Please forgive me for my actions. I have not been doing my job as a friend, your girlfriend, or your lover.  The worst part about it all is that I only have myself to blame for it all. 

Day 3- My First Love

Ok on this day I am to write my first love.......................................... (blinking eyes) (blank stare)

This is a hard one, still thinking about it. .................give me a sec

Well, hmmm, uh,.....well here it goes, my first love is love. I love the feeling of love. Love makes me feel powerful and strong. When love is around, everything goes right. The sun is shinning, the birds are chirping, the breeze is just right. All is calm, when love is around. Theres no stress, drama, or worries. And the good thing about love is that it can come in all forms. Theres no telling how love will come about. It can show when listen to some good music, having a good laugh, hanging with good friends, hearing the good word, or having a warm memory.

My first love is Love. 

Day 2 - Nickname

Nickname
Well I dont have one...simple my name has only 4 letters, so you cant shorten it, eventhou many have tried and failed. Lis is what they have come up with...why not add the "a" sound to then end and get Lisa. My niece when she was younger used to call me My Lisa instead of Aunt Lisa, her reason Im her aunt and nobody elses.

Anyway growing up I wanted a nickname because I felt that having a nickname made one stand out and be noticed more. Sure Ive had terms of endearment for lovers past and present: babe, baby, love: nothing that made me feel different from the next Lisa.

As I got older I realized that I dont need a nickname to stand out. I stand out by being LISA!!!!

Emotional Void

i have something to admit, its been a long time coming, i kinda knew all along, last night it hit me like a brick wall.

i have an emotional void.

an emotional void is when someone feels like they have a empty hole in their heart

i knew that mine has always been there, it was small. at first it was due to not having that emotional connection that i needed. i was the crybaby in elementary school then turned into the moody one when i got older. it was easy for my to control that void at first. i was able to be filled with small things that made me happy, shopping, spending time with friends, going out,traveling/exploring,trying new things, food, cooking,quiet time, spending time with the one i was with....sex

those things still work but they are not enough

the hole has gotten bigger

Day 1- Lisa

Day 1

Hi 

Day 1 I am to introduce myself to you, upload a recent photo and list 15 interesting facts about me. Well here is goes. My name is Lisa. I dont have a recent photo of me, Im not one that like to be in front of the camera, I love being behind it. As far as 15 interesting facts well.....

• I read magazines from back to front
• I have to have some type of noise in order to fall asleep so most of the time the tv is on
• I can pretty much turn anything into a sexual reference
• I talk to myself............. most the time..
• I have a horrible short term memory, but i refuse to make lists to remind me what i have to do that day.
• There isn't any kind of music that i don't like.
• I love photography, and I get jealous of people with nice cameras.
• Im such a a scatterbrain, I have such a weird way of filing things
• The travel bug bit me and I bit back
• I often put myself down
• I watch CSI like its a religion
• im sort of eccentric
• Change doesnt terrify me, I find it exciting
• Im a very passionate person
• I have this never ending desire to learn and explore
• I believe in love

I hate......

• Being rushed
• Failing, in general
• Being a third wheel, or making anyone feel like one
• Losing something
• Being lied to
• Being alone
• No happy endings in books/movies
• Attention whores
• Repeating myself
• Forgetting something and spending all day trying to remember
• Embarrassing moments in public
• Playing favorites
• When people get close to you, and then don't talk to you anymore
• The feeling of procrastination
• When something is sold out
• When other people talk about hanging out with other people in front of you

Love, Curiosity, Freckles and Doubt: May Blog Challenge: Who's Game???

Love, Curiosity, Freckles and Doubt: May Blog Challenge: Who's Game???: While catching up on some of my favorite blogs, I ran across a challenge at Thoughtsofsoutherngal   blog Who's Game???

Im down, I havent written in awhile and a challenge is all I need to get going again
Stay Tuned