Up for the Challenge

Im not happy

I havent been happy for awhile.

You can say that Im stuck in a rut. 

At this point in my life I find myself doing the same things over and over again. I find my lifestyle very boring. I get up, get dressed, go to work to a job where at one point I found very meaningful but now after 10-11 years of teaching, I find myself asking myself if I want to continue. After a day of teaching, I go to my second job, then come home and go to bed. My weekends consists of running around and trying to catch up.

I moan, I complain, Lately, I rarely see the positive side of things.

I need a change.

So instead of saying it, I decided to start doing.

Up late one night doing a meaningless internet search I came across this website:

http://happyblackwoman.com/

and started reading............
and reading.................
and reading.................

and realized that I can be happy again, that its possible, and I decided to make it a goal for 2013, but my next question was how?

till I saw the challenge.......

http://happyblackwoman.com/category/31-days-to-reset-your-life/

I thought to myself... 31 days to change 33 years of thinking... (ok more like 3 years of negative self talk off and on, still too long) ....its not going to work, but then I thought why not try...its not like I've really tried to change. I've said it over and over, started reading books, listening to podcasts but never really stuck with anything.

so now Im up for the challenge and awaiting the outcome

Am I my hair???

I thinking, weighing the options, wondering if Im going to do the right thing.

I have been growing my locs for the past seven years. I can say that Im tired. I want a new look. Over the years, my hair has been pressed, pulled, cut, dyed fried and laid to the side. Its been up, down, long and short. Rocked a weave and a wig. Permed it cause society said it was the thing to do and went natural to be free. So now its time to take a different route on this hair journey.

The last time, I got my locs "trimmed", 4 in was cut off and I freaked out. The mere thought of cutting them again scared me. I saw my locs apart of me. I started thinking do  my locs define "me". Am I still going to be Lisa without them.

Am I my hair?

Becoming a "Girl"

Funny, this idea has been in my head for awhile, but i didnt know how to title it. I know some are wondering, becoming a girl, you are a girl. I know that, Duh.

This blog is about how I came into my own

I am the first to claim that I am a tomboy. Growing up, I climb trees, ran races, played rough, anything the boys was doing I joined in. I played with the girls at times, but for most I was getting dirty. Even when it came to clothes, in elementary school and junior high, eventhou I wore a uniform I couldnt wait until I put on my jeans. My father tried to get me in dresses but that lasted a short period of time. I remember in 3rd grade, he brought 5 new dresses, by the end of 3rd grade, 4 still had pricetags still on it.

And this continued pretty much all of high school, even college. In high school and college, many didnt see me in a skirt, if they did then it was laundry day. I lived in my jeans, in high school thanks to early 90's baggy was in, and I loved it. It was so easy to throw on a t-shirt and jeans, as it still is today.

But something changed, when I hit my mid twenties, I didnt want to be mistaken for a boy ( I was getting the feeling that at times I was either being seen as a boy or gay). I noticed that I got more into fashion. I was always concerned about how I presented myself but this was different. I actually was concerned about how I put my outfits together. What matched with what, which shoes to wear, what purse to carry. Before I left the house, everything had to be in place. I noticed that my shoe and purse collection was getting bigger. I now pick up fashion magazines and pay attention to the latest trends and even is wearing make-up. Where before it was 20 min max for me to get ready, now I fall into the category where it can take me anywhere from 45 min to 90 to get ready depending on the venue.

And I wonder at times, what happened to the girl that only wore jeans and a tshirt. It would be nice for her to show up once an awhile