I have been thinking to myself a lot lately over what went wrong and what makes me feel terribly awful. I have thought about the suggestion you made of us taking a break. I do not agree with it. I am afraid that we will lose our friendship. You are my best friend. I will miss the conversations we have, the laughter, and the closeness that we share. I cherish your friendship. You and I have shared things and conversations about our lives, our families that I would never with anyone else. The main reason for that is because I trust you, and you listen to me, as I do to you. I can say that I have had some of the most wonderful times with you that I have ever had in my entire life, so much laughing and smiling. I had told you once before that when you talk I hold onto every word that comes out of your mouth and it's like they are engraved in the back of my mind forever. I am afraid that the texting to say hi, how are you will no longer be sent. I am afraid that you will move on and not look back.
I admit that I have a problem. I have always knowing it. Somewhere along the line I started to believe that I, Lisa, isn't good enough. No matter what I do, say, wear, look or achieve. No matter how good of a person I am. It is not good enough. So because of this mindset, I do have times where my low self-esteem manifests and takes control. I don't like it one bit. I feel low, worthless, and unloved when I have these periods.
I do admit that I am hard on myself. I do admit that I look at the past and focus on my mistakes and instead of learning from them.
I am trying. I want to be the person that you are proud to be with. The one that makes you smile at any thought.
I am sorry if I had made you frustrated or unhappy with me.
Please forgive me for my actions. I have not been doing my job as a friend, your girlfriend, or your lover. The worst part about it all is that I only have myself to blame for it all.
No comments:
Post a Comment